Archive for February, 2010

« Older Entries

What A Tangled Web They Weave

Friday, February 26th, 2010
Conspiracy Spiders Weaving Their Tangled Web

Conspiracy Spiders Weaving Their Tangled Web

Ayesha Siddiqa’s column in Dawn today is an excellent review of the silliness that continues to waste time and energy – not to mention providing a distraction from important issues. Of course I am referring to the conspiracy theory industry. That’s what it is, really, an industry. These are people who have figured out how to make a lot of money by hawking ridiculous fantasies and dramatic stories. Obviously, they don’t need the same evidence or facts that a real journalist would provide. Just a juicy story about a secret enemy is all that’s needed.

I COULDN’T believe my ears when responsible quarters informed me of an American-Blackwater conspiracy to isolate Pakistan.

According to this heinous plan the objective will be achieved by infiltrating the media, specifically through placing people in responsible positions in the print and electronic media. These plants will then be made responsible for freaking out ordinary people.

While some Blackwater agents are said to be responsible for making people paranoid about a secret plan to destroy Pakistan and take away its ‘crown jewels’ — its nuclear weapons — others have been given the task of exciting the populace with the idea of fighting some kind of holy war against neighbouring states and more.

This is called psy-ops, the art of instilling fear in the hearts of citizens and making them lose touch with reality and faith in their own capabilities. The biggest tool of course is the rumour mill, which is constantly in action churning out half-lies and half-truths. Anyone who cannot be bought off by the company is immediately termed a foreign agent. Such tricks are also useful in hiding the fact that it is in reality these people, who are working to isolate Pakistan, that are on Blackwater’s payroll.

There is evidence of using psy-ops in the past against ordinary folks and making them believe in some outside force conspiring to destroy them. The Germans before the Second World War are a prime example. The entire nation had lost touch with reality to a point that they stopped using rational thinking to assess the behaviour of their own leaders and held a certain kind of people responsible for the malaise they suffered from.

Resultantly, there was the famous witch-hunt through which the Jews, the ‘gypsies’, the physically disabled, homosexuals and non-conformist intellectuals were killed or forced to leave. Very soon, the Nazi military machine managed to get rid of people who would have proved to be an asset for the Third Reich.

Apparently, one of the secondary objectives of the conspirators is to create an environment which kills creative minds and pushes them to leave, hence the brain drain. It didn’t occur to ordinary Germans that their leaders, who were responsible for the First World War as well, were caught ‘with their pants down’ in the process of using military power against the rest of the world, and as such were equally responsible for the tragic state of affairs. In fact, the real conspiracy was to take away the rational faculty of the ordinary citizen.

In Pakistan today ordinary persons are being fed fear and paranoia so that they cannot think about the mistakes made by their own leadership. This is not to suggest that other nations do not make questionable plans but the fact is that painting the world in shades of black and white is in itself a conspiracy against the people.

For instance, the story about the historic American let-down does not mention that our own leadership was equally responsible for serving the interests of foreign states in return for both ‘cash and kind’. Publicly asking Hillary Clinton questions regarding the control of the ISI, for example, is nothing but superimposing the idea of the Pakistani nation’s EQ (emotional quotient). So Washington — rather than Islamabad — decides everything in Pakistan.

I haven’t been informed as yet but I suspect that there is even a larger conspiracy afoot to impair the minds of Muslims all over the world. This is done through instilling the fear of some ‘foreign hand’ behind everything that happens in their countries. Spreading such rumours gradually weakens and ultimately deadens their capacity to think of themselves as people who can control their destinies.

According to this plan, the answer for everything bad or unpleasant lies outside. The bulk of the mentally de-capacitated citizenry then gradually looks up to a certain set of leaders as ‘knights in shining armour’ who will protect them and the state.

The absence of systems in what is called the Muslim world is an eye-opener. The conspiracy deepens since people are also made to believe that their lives will only improve through installing a certain kind of programme on their national hard drive.

The writer is an independent strategic and political analyst.

Tags: , , , , , , ,
Posted in Conspiracy Theories | 2 Comments »

Laughter is the best response

Wednesday, February 24th, 2010

Yesterday’s editorial in The Nation carried one of the stranger bits of outrage that the newspaper has had to date.

The editorial, “A Reality Check”, drew its outrage from a recent editorial in the American newspaper, The Boston Globe.

The Globe editorial, “Pakistan’s Complicated Motives” says that Pakistan has an immense interest in the affairs of Afghanistan, and that our politicians and public alike prefer to have a friendly neighboring government. All in all, this is a fairly bland observation.

General Kayani is quoted by the newspaper as saying Pakistan’s “strategic paradigm” must be realized. The Globe’s editorial board noted the relationship between Pakistan and the US is multi-layered, and is Pakistan’s reasons for being so involved in the future of Afghanistan. There is hardly anything wildly controversial to be found here. Even the editorial acknowledges early on that the capture of Mullah Baradar demonstrates Pakistan working closely with the US, and that the two nations have achieved great successes together.

The Nation, however, is intent on finding something to be outraged about and so puts words in the mouths of the Globe editorial writers.

Take this excerpt, for example:

To all intents and purposes, the Americans are never happy, no matter whatever we do. One day, they are slinging mud on Islamabad for not doing enough in the anti-terror war and when it responds to the call, they chastise it for having ulterior motives.

Where is this in the referenced Globe editorial? It is, in fact, nowhere to be found. Actually, the Globe editorial is suggesting that Pakistan’s “ulterior motive” – as The Nation calls it – is to have some influence with the Afghani government. Isn’t that what The Nation also wants?

But truly, all of this is really beside the point. The Nation makes the truly ridiculous point that the Globe speaks for all Americans as well as the military and the Obama government. Does The Nation think that the edtiorial writers at the Globe newspaper speak more for the American policy than American military and political leaders?

The Nation itself reports today that the American General David Petraeus continues to praise Pakistan:

Senior US General David Petraeus on Tuesday hailed “important breakthroughs” and detentions in Pakistan, following the capture of a top Afghan Taliban commander and reports of other arrests.
The US General praised fight against militants as “quite impressive,” saying the counter-insurgency would be studied for years to come. He said Pakistan was running a classical campaign in the Swat Valley and South Waziristan.

“It is obvious that there have been a number of important detentions in Pakistan. It is very clear that there have been some significant intelligence operations,” Petraeus told reporters in Islamabad.

Of course, The Nation has a proud history of not reading their own reporting, so this should not be a surprise that they make this error again.

Actually, the Globe is a local newspaper in its own right, and since the editorial was located in the opinion section, speaks only for the editorial staff. If an American newspaper like New York Times or a UK newspaper like Guardian claimed that an editorial in Jasarat spoke for Pakistan, we would laugh!

Perhaps laughter is the best response to this Nation editorial after all.

Tags: , ,
Posted in The Nation | No Comments »

Zaid Hamid’s Fantasy: Reality Check

Tuesday, February 23rd, 2010

The following column by Ishtiaq Ahmed, a most distinguished professor of Political Science at Stockholm University and a Visiting Research Professor at the Institute of South Asian Studies (ISAS) and the South Asian Studies Programme at the National University of Singapore, presents a much-needed reality check to those who follow the wild conspiracy theories of Zaid Hamid.

These are very troubled times. Such times are a bonanza for conspiracy theorists because they know how best to simplify extremely complex situations while simultaneously grossly exaggerating the evil ingenuity of the plotters, and thus create thorough confusion. If such confusion can generate panic, then the conspiracy theorist has earned his living through real hard work. The art then is to top it off with an ending that results in the defeat of the evildoers. Such stuff is the bread and butter of writers of mystery stories and thrillers. Their works help shed everyday boredom, even if only for the moment.

Conspiracy theories and their authors become a cause for concern when they begin to hallucinate and can no longer distinguish between their own flights of imagination and the world around them. If such delirious moments only carry them into a world of make-believe, then the harm is limited. However, when they hijack a whole nation or community into another world, then they ought to be held accountable. When such characters appear in popular talk shows or, much worse, begin exploiting TV channels to present programmes full of war games and prophecies against a demonised group of plotters threatening the existence of a nation — nay, a universal community such as that of the Muslims — then I believe such persons should be held accountable for taking people on a ride with their yarns.

By now the readers must have guessed that I have no other person in mind other than Mr Zaid Hamid. Initially I was reluctant to comment on the farce he pedals in his talks and his TV programmes. The reason is that one can end up giving more importance to individuals than is due. On the other hand, the danger is that the angst and fears that run deep in Pakistani society will push our society even deeper into a pathological state of mind or national outlook. The daily bomb blasts by remote control or by suicide bombers, the galloping rate of unemployment and politicians who specialise in making a mockery of democracy and responsible governments have taken a huge toll on the spirits of the Pakistani people. Last year when I visited Lahore I took a long walk beginning from Anarkali up to Lohari Gate and then eastwards till I came to Mochi Gate. Then I walked down to Gawalmandi, from there I went down Nisbet Road till I came to Lakshmi Chowk. I can tell you that for the first time in my life I felt that Lahore was in mourning. People could not take any longer all the betrayal of hopes for a Pakistan without want and hunger.

Mr Zaid Hamid’s grand conspiracy has a happy ending, however. The Muslim world and the Islamic Ummah in general and Pakistan in particular are the victims of a Zionist-Brahminical-CIA-Mossad-RAW-MI5-MI6, and all the rest, plot, according to this celebrated defence and security analyst. Our only true friend is China. The latter of course is still wedded to Marxism-Leninism and thus to atheism, but that does not matter. Just as there are good and bad Taliban, there can be good and bad atheists. Is that not logical? Once upon a time, I remember, the Chinese with their special eye shape and high cheekbones, we were told, were the people that Islam would fight, also accordingly to some prophecies. That was of course when Pakistan and China had not become friends, whose friendship was later described as higher than the Himalayas. So, there is a season for prophecies — some come in while others go out.

Mr Zaid Hamid tells us not to worry. Pakistan is a nuclear power and the defeat of Hind (India) has been prophesied 1,400 years ago. It will not only be the end of India but Israel and the US and all other evil powers, including Russia. Pakistan and China and some true Muslims will triumph in the final father of all battles — the mother of all battles is dead since a long time, I believe. Hopefully then we will convert all the Chinese, otherwise what is the point?

What will happen to all the nuclear weapons that the enemies of Islam possess? Their total is in the thousands! Well, they will become un-useable or explode in their own countries so the Islamic forces will not be responsible for the genocide of billions of members of the human race. In any case, such details, which disturb the elegance of a simple but sensational conspiracy theory, have to be ignored. The green flag will fly atop the Delhi Fort as it should have had we not created Pakistan and denied ourselves that opportunity 63 years earlier.

Is there any chance that such prophecy may not hold or rather that no such prophecy has existed in the past and it has been manufactured by Mr Zaid Hamid to support his grand theory, which has already declared a Muslim victory? I think such questions should suffice to explain to interested readers to distinguish between conspiracies and conspiracy theories.

Attributing so much power to the Zionists or Mossad also makes no sense. The way Mossad has messed up its crime in Dubai when a hit squad was sent to assassinate a Hamas leader only shows that such an agency cannot sometimes manage even simple operations. RAW is even less likely to pull off an attack on Pakistan with impunity. Recently the Taliban killed a number of CIA operatives in Afghanistan. If Mossad-Raw-CIA were to join ranks, would they perform better or is it likely that in the absence of a common chain of command they can mess up things even more? I do not know. But I do know that neither Mr Zaid Hamid nor his theory allow for an error, and in any case whatever initial advantage these evil agencies and powers may have, our victory is a foregone conclusion. That is exactly a conspiracy theory.

Another thing to keep in mind is the following: conspiracies by their very nature are secretive and oftentimes catch their targets off-guard. ‘Et tu, Bruté?’ (Even you, Brutus?), exclaimed Julius Caesar, as his best friend joined other plotters and stabbed him to death. Of course his (Julius Caesar’s) wife, Calpurnia, had been seeing such a nightmare many times, Shakespeare informed his readers. So, maybe one can see visions about such happenings. In any case, conspiracy theories that have already exposed the culprits and punished them and defeated them are just flights of the imagination, or, could be deep dives into a bottomless void inside the belly of the earth.

Tags: , , ,
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

Attacks on Journalists Continue

Monday, February 22nd, 2010

Pakistan has seen an alarming rise in attacks on journalists. These attacks range from the active – people shooting at reporters for what they write – to the more passive – making accusations that put reporters’ lives at risk. Whatever the methods, the culprits are the same: People who are unable to defend their positions with words take up the tools of violence to silence those who try to bring the truth to the people.

Today’s The News recognizes this growing threat in its editorial, “Endangered.”

The attacks on journalists in various parts of the country continue unabated. Most recently one has been shot dead in Quetta, another in Khairpur. The motives are mysterious. In Quetta a sectarian dimension is possible. In Khairpur we can assume enmity of some kind. Such incidents have taken place before. The life of professional media persons is becoming increasingly unsafe. Professional bodies of journalists have recently suggested insurance policies for journalists as a bid to ensure some security. This is a good move, but insufficient. Authorities as well as the publishers need to do more to ensure safety and to react with greater alacrity to assaults on those performing professional duties. The perpetrators must be punished under the relevant laws. According to international reports Pakistan is becoming one of the most dangerous countries for journalists in the field. We have had cases of cameramen and reporters injured in blasts or killed while covering conflict in the northern parts of the country. Others have been targeted because their reports have displeased powerful individuals.

The question is precisely what measures can be taken. The situation is relatively new one for Pakistan. Dangers of the kind we see now have not existed before. It is also a fact that working media people have faced harassment and intimidation from persons in official places. This sets an alarming precedent and encourages others to resort to similar audacious acts of violence. Journalists have a special role in society. Indeed they have revolutionised the lives of people everywhere by bringing news to the doorstep and to the living room on a daily, indeed, on an hourly basis. Today, people are far better informed than has ever been the case before. This has been even more true since the advent of the TV channels. The government needs to take a lead in the matter and ensure that all possible is done to make sure that media professionals are able to perform their vital social duties freely and safely. This task cannot be delayed any longer.

Attacks on journalists are an attack on Pakistan. Those who carry out or encourage these attacks should be held accountable accordingly.

Tags:
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

Why did Pakistani media boycott Brigadier Hussain Abbas’ funeral?

Saturday, February 20th, 2010

Omar Khattab, blogging at Let Us Build Pakistan, asks a good question: Why did Pakistani media boycott Brigadier Hussain Abbas’ funeral? This is an interesting observation and one that makes a point that is often overlooked when we consider bias in our media. There is so much poor reporting, obvious propaganda, and fantastic conspiracy theories in the media that we might overlook the fact that what isn’t reported is as important as what is.

Last week Brigadier Hussain Abbas was killed by the Taliban in the Waziristan area. The newspapers wrote as usual about the “martyrdom” of an army officer at the hands of the “militants” and not the Taliban. But the electronic media was even more curt. The news anchors vaguely spoke about the martyrdom of Brigadier Hussain Abbas, which was very unusual given that death of a high-level officer is discussed ad nauseum in the media as a part of the ideological-nationalist myth about the role of the Army in Pakistan’s “nation building”.

Last Saturday Brigadier Hussain Abbas’ dead body was brought to his native village near Gujranwala for burial. The media as usual descended on the area interviewing people and relatives of the brigadier. Some journalists even forced his little kids to speak about their father and made them cry by asking sensitive qurestions (“Will you miss your father?”) which was an extremely heartless thing to do. But then this is common in Pakistan.

What was interesting to know that not a single channel showed the actual burial and/or the funeral prayer of the brigadier, which was unprecedented because the media always shows these two events only to prove the Islamic side of martyrdom. But Brigadier Hussain Abbas was not given this honor. And the reason is not hard to find: He was a Shia Muslim.

Since the Talibanic journalists, backed by Saudi and Al-Qaeda money and facilitated by the ISI, took over Pakistan post 9/11 (though they were in the field before 9/11, but not in command), the Shia suffering in Pakistan has been ignored. Everyone knows that the Taliban consider Shias kafir/inidel and routinely carry out acts of Shia carnage. But the media has never condemned the Taliban. This carnage is backed by the Deobandi-Wahabi fatwas that those who kill the Shias will go to paradise straightaway. Corrupted by petrodollars of the Wahabi Saudis and the drug money of the Al-Qaeda, the Pakistani Urdu media has turned complicit in the Shia persecution. Although the Saudi royal family and the Al-Qaeda are enemies, they are one when it comes to the hatred of the Shias. Both are Wahabi.

The Urdu media’s boycott of the funeral of Brigadier Hussain Abbas was not an isolated incident. In 2008-9 the Taliban captured hundreds of Pakistan army soldiers in Swat. They separated Shia soldiers from Sunni soldiers. They gave every Sunni soldiers one thousand rupees each and asked them to go home. But they lined up every Shia soldier and slaughtered him. This is why, even today the place where the beheadings of the Shias were carried out is knows as “Khooni Chawk” or Bloody Square. At that time the media completely blacked out the beheadings. It was only a few Sunni soldiers who narrated this to people and it became known, but later they were asked to shut up by their superiors.

In complicity with Saudi Wahabis and the Al Qaeda-Taliban axis of Islamofascism, the Urdu media does not want the people of Pakistan, the majority of whom want to live in peace, that the Shias have anything “Islamic” in them. The Shias are portrayed as a deviant sect of Islam which should be wiped out of existence. (This is what has been happening in Saudi Arabia for decades.) You will never read in any newspaper or find out on a TV channel that the creator of Pakistan Muhammad Ali Jinnah was a Shia Muslim.

Tags: , , , , , , ,
Posted in Censorship | No Comments »

TV Awards Night

Thursday, February 18th, 2010

The latest from Nadeem Paracha’s satire is brilliant.

TV AwardsHello people, and welcome to the First Annual Pakistani Private TV Channels Awards. I, Wamid Mir, will be your host for the evening and with me will be the lovely, Dr. Shireen Blackwater Baymaari. Let’s kick off this grand event, but first, a choti se break, and a word from our main sponsors, Aafia Fairness Cream.

Yes, people, every Pakistani daughter, wife, mother and sister should be using this cream, made from natural Jalalabad almonds, ripe Swati lemons, and scintillating Afghan gun powder extracts. Experience a great sense of non-Caucasian fairness with Aafia Fairness Cream … otherwise you’re a traitor!

Over to you Shireen.

Thank you, Wamid. I hate the US!

That’s nice to know, Shireen. Now, can we know who the nominees for our first award are?

No! Not unless you expel the Blackwater agents planted within the audience.

Okay. Can you help us pinpoint them?

There! There’s one!

What? That’s an empty chair!

Well, that’s what Blackwater would want you to believe. Get him out!

Right. We will. Now can you please announce the nominees for our first award?

Okay. The first award is for the Loudest Talk Show Host. And the nominees are: Dr. Deafeningly  Danish and  Meher Blah Brunette Bokhari.

And the winner is: Dr. Deafeningly Danish!  Dr. Deafening, please come up the stage and accept your award.

THANK YOU, SHIREEN!! THANK YOU WAMID! CAN YOU HEAR ME??

Ahem, yes, we can Dr. Deafening. Can you kindly take the award without delivering a speech? I don’t think our mics and speakers have enough watts in them to handle your voice.

OKAY, WAMID SAHIB! AND SORRY, MEHER, I BEAT YOU!!

OH, YOU SHUT UP, YOU URDU-MEDIUM MAN-SIREN!! THIS IS NOT FAIR!! I AM LOUDER AND DUMBER! CAN YOU HEAR ME??

We can hear you both loud and clear. Now will you kindly keep quiet?

OKAY!

Phew. Thank you. Do I hear whistling in the hall, or is it just my ears ringing? Anyway, on to our next award. Shireen, can you take us through it?

No!

Now what?

I can see CIA agents.

Where?

In your ears.

In my ears? But it’s just wax.

Precisely.

Okay, I’ll get rid of it.

Good boy. Okay, our next award is for the most Blessedly Warped TV Personality. And the nominees are: Zion Hamid; Dr. Aamer Aafat; and Dr. Shahid Barood. This is a tough one. But, alas, the winner is the great Zion Hamid. Zion sahib, kindly come and take your award from Wamid Mir saheb.

Zion sahib is in India at the moment, Shireen. He will be with us via satellite. You can see and hear his acceptance speech on this big screen behind me. Yes, Mr. Zion.

Hello, Wamid. Hello people. I am speaking to you live from the Red Fort in New Delhi. And I want to give the nation the good news that my army has taken over India. Rejoice!

That’s India? You are sitting in front of a video backdrop of the Red Fort.

Shut-up, Wamid. What do you know? You’re a CIA agent, anyway. I am in India, and to prove it, I have with me, Muhammad Bin Qasim! Say hello to our brothers and sisters in Pakistan, Qasim bhai.

That’s Ali Azmat!

Shut-up, Wamid. He is Muhammad Bin Qasim. Every Pakistani is Muhammad Bin Qasim!

Even the women?

Especially the women! Have you ever seen Maria B without make-up?

You are making fun of your own supporter?

We are at war. And war is fun.

Err … Zion sahib, the Red Fort backdrop was just replaced by a backdrop of a beach in Honolulu.

It was? Oh … umm … that’s not Honolulu. That’s a beach near Mumbai.

Really? Since when have Mumbai beaches got Hawaiian women dancing on them?

Well … err … its tourism season here in Mumbai.

But we thought you were in Delhi.

I am! I can prove it. I have with me Aishwarya Rai. Say hello to your new rulers, sister Aishwarya.

What? That’s Ahmed Qureshi in a sari!

How dare you! Enough! I can’t accept this stupid USA-India-UK-Papua New Guinea-sponsored award of yours. I have better things to do.

Like what?

Like conquering Israel! My next speech to the nation will be delivered from Tel Aviv.

I see. Well, good luck, Zion sahib. By the way, before you go, just wanted to tell you your backdrop has changed again. And it looks very much like Disney Land.

Alhamdulillah! It seems we’ve conquered the United States as well. Rejoice!

So, Shireen, whom do you want to give this award to now?

Well, I always thought the award should have been shared by all the nominees. They’re all so blessed. Come on up, guys, come to mama, and take your Most Blessedly Warped TV Personality Award!

Nice. Shahid Barood, would you like to say something?

I can’t, Wamid. The evil government is out to destroy me. I’m in hiding.

But you’re right here. We can see you.

No, Wamid, you can’t. I’m not here.

You are very much here, now speak!

Mama Shireen, kindly explain the sensitivity of the issue to Wamid.

Wamid, since Barood is in hiding, we’ll have to call Aamer Aafat to receive this prestigious award.

But he’s right here. I can see him. You can see him. The whole world can see him!

See who?

Shahid Barood!

Where?

Here! Right in front of you!

Stop hallucinating, Wamid. It seems that ear-wax of yours has gotten into your eyes as well. Good luck, Barood, wherever you are, and may the force of brave journalism be with you.

Thank you, mom, I will only come out of hiding after this corrupt government is toppled by gallant journalists like you and me.

Hey, me too!

Okay, you too, Wamid.

Thanks, Shahid.

Sigh. Life is not easy when one’s in hiding.

Where are you hiding?

I am in a bunker designed specially by Peo TV for my brilliant talk show, ‘Meray MutaBak-Bak.’

Well, good luck to you, my brave friend. Let me shake your hand. Oh, my, your palms are so cold. Do meet us whenever you come out of hiding.

I will, I wish you could see the state I am in.

But I can.

No you can’t!

Of course, I can’t.  My bad. Anyway, Dr. Aamer Aafat, kindly collect the award from us.

Jazzakallah! Jazzakallah! I am honored. How much money am I getting with this award?

Err … none.

Mahshallah. And may I know how much money you are getting to host this show?

As much as you are getting to do that show of yours, ‘Zaalim Online.’

Alhamdulillah. Really happy to hear that. You see, brothers …

I’m a sister, dimwit!

Oh, a thousand apologies, sister Shireen. Wah! Kya naam hai. Shireen. The Sweetening. Mashallah.

Shukriah.

No, sister. Say Jazzakallah. We are, after all, Arabs.

But my ancestors were Jats from Punjab.

Wamid bhai, Punjab is in Arabia.

No, it isn’t.

Yes, it is pyare bhai. Can I see the soles of your shoes?

They’re green.

No wonder. Brother, green is the colour of Islam, it is the colour of Pakistan, and now it is also the colour of my hair. Here, see the green streaking in my hair and beard? Lovely, isn’t it? But, brother, it can’t be the colour of the soles of your shoes.

What are you talking about? You have a garden in your house that has green grass and on which you walk. And the carpet you are standing on right now, its colour is green too!

No, brother, you are obviously mistaken. The carpet is black. Isn’t it, Sister Sweetening?

Yes, it is. Blackwater black!

And the grass of your garden. Is that black too?

Arey, Wamid bhai. What are we talking about? Let’s talk about the message of love and peace that our faith gives. Let’s go out and stone a few heathens, lynch a few Jews, flog some women and …

Let’s just move on, shall we. The next award is for the most Ubiquitous Talk Show Guest. And the nominees are: Gymran Khan; Marvi Siren; Sansar Abbasi; and Haroon-i-Islami. This award will be given by the famous TV hosts, Kamran Can’t and Javed Sermon Chudary. The winner is, the super-fit, Gymran Khan!

Wamid, Gymran is not here. He’s busy negotiating with the Taliban.

Thank you, Shireen. He must be up in the mountains of Waziristan then.

No. Zaman Park, Lahore.

What? There are Taliban in Zaman Park?

No, that’s the name of the area where Gym lives.

So Gym has invited the Taliban to his place?

No. He has invited Qazi Hussain Ahmed.

So who is negotiating with the Taliban then?

Gym is, of course.

But he’s in Lahore.

So where else should he be? Mars?

He should be where the Taliban are!

Where are the Taliban?

Waziristan, Swat, Bannu, South Punjab …

Lies! All Blackwater propaganda!

Then with whom is Gym negotiating, if there are no Taliban?

I never said that!

You just did. Kamran Can’t is a witness. Right, Kamran?

Corruption, Zardari, Zardari corruption, Zardari, corruption, corruption, Zardari …

Never mind. Well, folks, I guess that’s about it. Take care of yourself, and I hope you enjoyed this disaster, but we are proud of it because it’s our very own disaster … and a mighty lucrative one as well.

Tags: , , , , , ,
Posted in Satire | 1 Comment »

On Economy, The Nation Forgot To Read Its Own Report

Wednesday, February 17th, 2010

The Nation today contains a stark contradiction. The editorial page includes the headline: “Economy not reviving.” The Nation’s editorial desk then goes on to explain that the economy is not reviving because of  government policies and cooperation with USA in the fight against militants. Unfortunately, the editorial desk did not read their own newspaper which featured the following headline on the Business page: “Pakistan economic recovery picking up: IMF”.

The Nation points to a drop in the KSE100 stock exchange index as a sign that the economy is on a decline. This is an old trick used to confuse people who don’t know a lot about economics. The fact is, stock markets rise and fall each day. If you select a day with a fall, you can say the economy is bad. If you a day with an increase, you can say its good. Does the increase in the KSE100 today mean that the economy is good? Actually, it is mostly meaningless.

A better way to look at a stock market index (including the KSE100) is to evaluate a long-term trend to see what it says about how institutional investors consider the risks and rewards of that market. Does the market show a long-term trend upwards? Or does it appear flat or (worse) headed down? Below is a one year chart that tracks the KSE100 generated by www.marketwatch.com:

KSE100

KSE100 Over One Year Time

As you can see, the trend is actually on the increase. This is a good sign for the long term growth of the market and probably the economy as a whole. It does not mean things are perfect, but it also does not mean things are getting worse. Actually, a 100 point drop in a day is volatility that all advanced stock markets experience. Today the index is going up.

Let us look further at what The Nation’s own Business page reported on the same day:

Listing positive trends Pakistan registered in recent months, the Fund said the exchange rate has remained stable at Rs. 84–85 per U.S. dollar and the international reserves position has strengthened (the banking system’s gross foreign exchange reserves, including the State Bank and commercial banks, reached US$14.3 billion in mid-February, of this total the State Bank held US$10.5 billion).

The early signs of recovery in some sectors and the improved external position are encouraging, although there are risks and challenges to Pakistan’s economic program.

“Economic growth in Pakistan is starting to recover; large-scale manufacturing output has started to increase, the improvement in the global economy has helped manufacturing exports, and private sector credit growth has picked up somewhat as businesses rebuild their working capital.”

As we can see, there are positive fundamental economic indicators in the Pakistani economy. Certainly, foreign direct investment (FDI) is down over the past six months. But that is only one important indicator – not the only one. Why did The Nation ignore the positive reporting in its own newspaper? Was it politically inconvenient?

The Nation is correct that a key obstacle to attracting FDI is political uncertainty and fear of instability. But The Nation presents an interesting solution for these fears:

If the government wants to attract foreign investment, it must ensure more support for its policies by aligning them to popular wishes, rather than trying to please the USA through them. Also, it must work on the specific factors which keep away foreign investors.

This shows a lack of familiarity with attitudes among the worlds economies. Let us refer to an article in today’s Financial Times – a UK financial newspaper – about security and stability in the country.

(more…)

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in The Nation | 3 Comments »

The Nation and Xenophobia

Monday, February 15th, 2010

The Nation deserves praise for publishing Zaheeruddin Baber’s column, “Xenophobic tendencies” in which the author calls attention to the growing problem of intolerance being promoted by some media personalities. But, at the same time, The Nation would do well to read this column carefully and distribute it to its staff so that The Nation can work on cleaning up its own xenophobic tendencies.

Xenophobia is the fear or hatred of foreigners. This is becoming increasingly a problem, and Mr. Baber rightly points to media types for promoting this attitude:

The shocking intolerance, sectarian, secular, xenophobic and otherwise, increasingly displayed in ‘current’ societal structures here is fast getting dangerously out of control, the fires stalked by people who should know better such as Imran Khan and those who apparently don’t, Zaid Hamid of the red topi being a prime example of the latter, with the resulting conflagration, when it erupts, set to completely desecrate any remote semblance of sanity that tries to prevail in the country-shattering inferno that will, undoubtedly follow if left unchecked.

But Mr. Baber leaves out one other media organization that promotes fear and hatred of foreigners: The Nation.

Examples of The Nation’s xenophobic tendencies are not hard to come by. From Kaswar Klasra’s infamous article in which he accuses American reporter Matthew Rosenberg of being a spy, to statements that any actions by India must be seen as “a deliberate pattern towards some nefarious goal,” to the recent column about Aafia in which Sikander Shaheen accuses the US, India, and Israel of being “in an unholy alliance to tighten the noose around a Muslim lady” – The Nation makes a habit of promoting xenophobia in its pages. In November, the newspaper even ran an article by Azam Tanoli that was all but a transcript of a speech by Zaid Hamid – the same who is so soundly criticized by Baber today – praising him as “a prominent” scholar” and echoing Hamid’s claims about the threat of foreigners to Pakistan’s existence.

I was glad to see The Nation step outside its usual ideological boundaries and publish Baber’s article. Let us hope, dear readers, that the editors of The Nation will take the time to read their own newspaper and consider the suggestion to avoid cheap xenophobia in the future.

Tags: , , , , , , ,
Posted in The Nation | 1 Comment »

Zaid Hamid – The Pied Piper For Taliban

Saturday, February 13th, 2010

Farhat Taj, a research fellow at the University of Oslo, and a member of Aryana Institute for Regional Research and Advocacy, has a breathtaking expose of Zaid Hamid and his media message of pro-Taliban conspiracy theories.

Zaid Hamid - Pied Piper for Taliban

Zaid Hamid - Pied Piper for Taliban

Zaid Hamid and strategic depth

FATA continues to be
used and abused as a strategic space by the security establishment of Pakistan in violent pursuit of strategic depth in Afghanistan. In short, strategic depth means Pakistan must have a pro-Pakistan government in Afghanistan by any and all means. People of FATA have suffered more than people in any other part of Pakistan due to this policy. They dread and hate ‘strategic depth’.

Some people of FATA drew my attention towards Zaid Hamid, who, they said, is a new charm offensive of the military establishment to popularise the notion of strategic depth among the youth from affluent families in the big cities of Pakistan. He is frequently given air time by the electronic media, also an evidence that the media, especially the Urdu media, is not free and has to toe the establishment’s line in security matters. Show biz celebrities have joined him. Those who oppose the strategic depth, especially the Pakhtun, who are the biggest casualty of it, are never given so much media attention.

The main concern of the people of FATA vis-a-vis Zaid Hamid is his use of a particularly narrow interpretation of Islam that proposes a belligerent agenda for the Pakistan Army and drawing on controversial Islamic literature. Thus the authenticity of the hadiths — sayings of Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) — on Ghazwa-e-Hind that he often refers to in terms of the ultimate defeat of the Indians at the hands of the Pakistan Army is highly questionable.

Zaid Hamid claims in his speeches to young people that God determines the destiny of Pakistan. Pakistan will become a grand Caliphate. Pakistan army will cut India down to the size of Sri Lanka. Pakistan will lead the entire Muslim world and its army will be deployed in Palestine, Kashmir, Chechnya and Afghanistan. The corrupt judicial system, consisting of the lawyers and the Supreme Court of Pakistan, will be replaced by an Islamic judicial system that would ensure — Taliban style — speedy and cheap justice. He claims that the current elected set up in Pakistan is implanted by the CIA and prophesies that the current rulers in Pakistan will have their dead bodies hanging on poles in Islamabad, an indirect appreciation of what the Taliban did in Afghanistan with the dead body of Dr Najibullah, the then Afghan president. He openly threatens the nationalists, especially the Pakhtun and Baloch nationalists, for their aspirations. The Taliban government in Afghanistan, he declares, was Pakistan-friendly and condemns its removal by the US in the post-9/11 attack on the country. He glorifies the biggest mass murderer of the Pakhtun — General Zia, the former dictator of Pakistan.

Judging by the obscurantist message that he communicates, Zaid Hamid does not seem to be a new invention of the establishment. He is an addition to the long list of people who have been handpicked to promote an anti-people agenda in the name of religion and hate of India, like the people from the Jamaat-e-Islami. What seems to be new is his apparent ‘tolerance’ of the ‘un-Islamic’ lifestyle of the urban youth and in this context there are some interesting discussions about Zaid Hamid on some blogs and mailing lists. One blogger writes that Zaid Hamid is using a new strategy to communicate the same old conspiracy theories to young people. The strategy is that unlike classical Islamic scholars, joining Zaid Hamid’s group does not necessarily require the youth to shed their sophisticated lifestyle and adjust to hijab, a ban on music and gender segregation. The only thing they have to do is to glorify the Pakistan Army, including its pursuit of strategic depth, and hate Jews, Americans and Indians.

A writer on one of the mailing lists argues that Zaid Hamid is a Pied Piper for our youth from the prosperous sections of Punjab who have no dreams to be proud of. Zaid Hamid sells the dreams of conquering the world, though they are nonsense, yet still work for the youth who are now caught up in an identity crisis, continues the writer. The writer understands that the fault lies with the leftist intellectuals who have lost direction by joining NGOs and leaving the anti-imperialist struggle open for people like Zaid Hamid or Imran Khan.

Zaid Hamid, in his show, sets a dangerous agenda for the youth of Pakistan; the very same youth who are living a comfortable life in poverty-stricken Pakistan. They lack any ambitions in life to give it some purpose. This lack of goals is rooted in the identity crisis being faced by the Pakistani youth. The crisis is expressed in questions like these: what are we first of all: Muslim or Pakistani? Is our ultimate commitment with Pakistani citizenship or a global Muslim brotherhood? What kind of Pakistan should we aim at: a progressive multi-ethnic social democracy or some kind of medieval caliphate?

Secondly, one has to strive very hard for ideals. If the ideal is the former (multi-ethnic social democratic Pakistan), the youth from affluent families will have to share their riches with the poor, downtrodden fellow citizens. This is very hard for this class of people, otherwise I would at least have seen them working for bringing normalcy in the shattered lives of the people of FATA, who have been living in deplorable conditions in refugee camps for over two years now. In the latter case (caliphate) they can placate their conscience by attaching themselves with the higher ideal without having to give up something from their comfortable lives. The only thing they have to do is to support the belligerent agenda of the military establishment and their poor fellow Pakistanis can go to hell. Zaid Hamid’s campaign is like opium for the young that makes them run away from reality, i.e. Pakistan is a class-based multi-ethnic society that cannot be held together with mere Islamic rhetoric and military ambitions.

What is even more dangerous is the fact that Zaid Hamid is glorifying the same Taliban that the people of FATA hold responsible for their massacre at the behest of the military establishment of Pakistan. Case in point, Jalaluddin Haqqani who occupies North Waziristan. I would invite the young fans of Zaid Hamid to take a tour of FATA, or at least FATA IDP camps in various parts of the NWFP, to observe firsthand what the Taliban and the military did to these people. I would remind the youth that people all over FATA hold the generals of the Pakistan Army more than the Taliban responsible for the death and destruction in their area. They view the Taliban — all Taliban, good, bad, Afghan or Pakistani — as a creation of the intelligence agencies of our country. How much more do the people of FATA need to sacrifice for strategic depth in Afghanistan? The never-ending human sufferings in the area could transform into widespread anti-state sentiments. The youth around Zaid Hamid must know that the current pursuit of strategic depth may turn into — as rightly described in this paper’s editorial ‘Strategic death’? (Daily Times, February 3, 2010) –’strategic death’ for Pakistan rather than securing a friendly Afghanistan.

Tags: , , , ,
Posted in Conspiracy Theories | 7 Comments »

The Nation’s Confused Concept of Justice

Friday, February 12th, 2010
Aafia Siddiqui in Court

Aafia Siddiqui in Court

Today’s editorial in The Nation about Aafia Siddiqui presents a confused concept of justice that is at once both self-contradictory and misinformed. The editorial referred to, “The verdict,” attempts to argue that the conviction of Aafia Siddiqui in an American court demonstrates that the justice system that tried her case is defective. It is not for this blog to say if Aafia is innocent or guilty. But The Nation’s editorial is so riddled with misinformation that it is hard not to consider it as propaganda.

The Nation’s editorial writers begin by condemning the American justice system as broken because it relies on a judge and a trial by jury.

The American justice system is supposed to be one of the things for which the War on Terror is being fought, but the trial itself shows it as defective, as allowing the fate of a human being to be placed in the hands of a jury of his or her peers, a jury which may well be influenced by reasons of state. The jury, composed of laymen, depends a lot on the summing up by the judge, who is supposed to be a legal professional, and thus likely to be influenced by the kind of reasons of state at work in Dr Afia’s case.

The Nation gets its facts all wrong. Actually, a trial by jury protects the accused from the influence of the state on a judge because the jurors are chosen randomly and are not subject to state control like a judge may be. Also, the judge is only present to oversee proceedings to ensure they meet the standards of openness and fairness.

But let us for a moment consider more closely what The Nation is saying. First, they say that a jury trial is defective because supposedly it can be influenced by reasons of state. Second, judges cannot be trusted because supposedly they can be influenced by reasons of state. So, The Nation wants to have a justice system with no judge and no jury. What kind of justice system is this?

Jury trials, please remember, are not an American invention. The concept of a trial by jury was actually borrowed from the Lafif in the Maliki school of classical Islamic law:

The precursor to the English jury trial was the Lafif trial in classical Maliki jurisprudence, which was developed between the 8th and 11th centuries in North Africa and Islamic Sicily, and shares a number of similarities with the later jury trials in English common law. Like the English jury, the Islamic Lafif was a body of twelve members drawn from the neighbourhood and sworn to tell the truth, who were bound to give a unanimous verdict, about matters that “…they had personally seen or heard, binding on the judge, to settle the truth concerning facts in a case, between ordinary people, and obtained as of right by the plaintiff.” The only characteristic of the English jury that the Islamic Lafif lacked was the “judicial writ directing the jury to be summoned and directing the bailiff to hear its recognition.” According to Professor John Makdisi, “no other institution in any legal institution studied to date shares all of these characteristics with the English jury.” It is thus likely that the concept of the Lafif may have been introduced to England by the Normans and then evolved into the modern English jury. However, the hearing of trials before a body of citizens may have existed in courts before the Norman conquest.

Does this mean that The Nation also rejects Islamic law as “defective”?

The Nation next compares the case of Aafia Siddiqui to that of Alfred Dreyfus’ treason conviction by a military court in France in 1894. But The Nation fails to realize that, despite being initially convicted improperly, Dreyfus was exonerated and reinstated as a major in the French Army in 1906, eventually ending his service as a Lieutenant-Colonel. Furthermore, The Nation adds that the Dreyfus affair proves that military courts are defective justice.

For the record, The Nation suggests the following are defective systems of justice:

  1. Jury trials (and, by extension, Islamic law)
  2. Judge trials
  3. Military trials

Again, dear readers, I must ask what is justice system is left?

While it is unfortunate that some people are incorrectly convicted in any type of trial, a proper legal system includes a set of processes by which these individuals can show their innocence and be exonerated, even after a conviction. This was the case with Alfred Dreyfus in France, and this is the opportunity for Aafia Siddiqui in America. In fact, the government has already vowed to provide a good defense for Aafia in the next stages of her trial. So what is The Nation complaining about?

Of course, The Nation does not offer some alternative legal system that is better. The editorial writers only accuse the system of being broken because it allows them to add fuel to the growing hysteria over this case.

The Nation’s editorial writers even try to use Aafia’s being a woman and mother as proof that she should not be convicted, even though this has nothing to do with the accusations, the trial, or her conviction.  The Nation even suggests that there is some unique brutality on the part of the legal system that convicted Aafia because she is a woman and a mother.

She symbolises the might of the USA, and its relentlessness in punishing all its enemies, even if they are in the form of frail mothers of three. And it shows that it will not only punish women but also children it has decided to make an example of.

But do we not convict women and mothers here at home? In fact, under the Hudood Ordinances, women have been most unjustly tried and convicted in our own country. Particularly, we may remember the embarrassing case of Zafran Bibi – another women and mother – who was sentenced to death by stoning in 2002 for the crime of adultery. Actually, 80 percent of the women in our prisons are convicted under laws that penalize rape victims. Certainly this is not the so-called justice that The Nation would like to see. So what is this other justice system that they are advocating?

Of course, The Nation does not say what system of justice would be more fair. The editorial writers at The Nation only make accusations and weave wild conspiracies. This is because at The Nation, justice is only a convenient word for political posing.

The Nation’s editorial ends with a strange conclusion:

“Dr. Afia is being tortured, and her kids have disappeared, so that Americans may escape the effects of terror.”

Honestly, I am not sure how to respond to this concluding sentence as it makes absolutely no sense. How would it protect Americans to torture and kidnap anyone? Actually, this would make Americans less safe as it would add fuel to the fire of jihadi propaganda. Or, perhaps that’s what The Nation intended in the first place.

Tags: , , , , , , ,
Posted in The Nation | 2 Comments »

« Older Entries