Nadir Hassan: 10 things I hate about TV news

Nov 25th, 2010 | By | Category: Express Tribune

Mr Nadir Hassan brings a bit of levity to the discussion of media with his article for today’s Express Tribune, “10 things I hate about TV news“. Some of his observations made me laugh out loud, but at the end of reading I also thought, ‘it’s funny because it’s true!’

1.     The dunce on the street. You know the guy; he’s being interviewed only because he was in the vicinity of something producers consider news. His insight, such as it is, consists of saying “you know” a lot and plastering a massive I’m-so-excited-to-be-on-TV grin on his face.

2.    The Mini Me analyst. News anchors are supposed to be objective so any time they want to slip a bit of political commentary in, they’ll invite an analyst-for-hire, someone who will say exactly what the anchor wants him to say. But we can trust him; he wears an expensive suit.

3.    The apocalyptic teaser. “Are you aware that you might die tomorrow? Join us after the break and we’ll tell you how.”

4.    The dancer in the background. There’s always this one jerk, usually lurking in the shadows, who likes nothing better than to add a bit of flavour to a beeper by gyrating madly. He is to the dunce on the street what Bonnie was to Clyde.

5.   Important hair. You know why there’s a dengue epidemic in the country? All the spray that should have been used to fumigate our cities is keeping up the hair of vain anchors.

6.   Casual racism. You will never see a dark face on news channels. After all, the survival of Fair and Lovely depends on it.

7.   The vague Pakistan connection. Never fear, news channels will find the cousin of a Pakistani citizen who was shopping at a mall three blocks away from a fire in Michigan.

8.    The child-like fascination with technology. This particularly materialises during elections. Anchors get so aroused by their BlackBerrys, touch screens and other assorted thingamajigs they can barely contain themselves.

9.    The illegible ticker. News channels have discovered a new font. It allows you to only read one out of every three words before disappearing from view.

10.   The expert for all seasons. No matter what the topic, this chameleon will become an instant expert. He throws in a bit of jargon, comes to some sweeping conclusions and calls on the government to do more.

Published in The Express Tribune, November 21st, 2010.

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  1. Jang Group & Veracity of Transparency International & IRI Survey.
    http://chagataikhan.blogspot.com/2010/11/jang-group-veracity-of-transparency.html Mob of Kamran Khan i.e. Mr. Ansar Abbasi, Mr Shaheen Sehbai, Mr. Irfan Siddiqui and Mohammad Malick are usually very fond of the reports of Transparency International and Survey of International Republican Institute (IRI) particularly when they carry “Corruption Reports on Pakistan. Quite funny isn’t it that the same group often raise hell against US Central Intelligence, Mossad and countless others and these very journalists “conveniently” forget that such surveys/reports could be a brainchild of the Organizations on the payrolls of the same US Central Intelligence Agency and Mossad. One of the Professional Colleague Mubashir Luqman openly said Transparency International an Israeli/CIA Agent:)

  2. Conspiracy: International/National Media VS JANG/GEO TV & Hamid Mir.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJ0Xl9hqlm8

  3. Geo tv gives less importance to Pakistani good news and achievements. It really focuses on creating crisis and general discontent. They repeat demoralizing comments about Pakistan economy and other things which goes against our national interest. Geo tv can be called as extension of external powers. They make Pakistanis to think against Pakistan. This channel should have been banned earlier for its anti-Pakistan agenda. It is also believed that Geo tv receives funds from external powers. Few people think that Geo is Indian funded channel as it promotes their games, films and other things. Pakistan is passing through critical stage and media should play its positive, constructive role. It’s astonishing how they report and especially precious analysis of Kamran Khan. He speaks like a game commentator regardless of any sensitivity of the situation. Government should ban such people who talks against Pakistan.

  4. My only point is this that why should we blame USA when our several TV Anchors for instance Kamran Khan of GEO TV who ‘SUCCESSFULLY’ interviewed some obscure and concocted Militant Abu Mustafa Al Yazid and relayed it on GEO TV for creating more problem for Pakistan. How the hell they get such interviews when even the high tech Western Agencies could’t trace them??? Months after right after 911 Hamid Mir filed a front page Super Headline In Daily Dawn that Osama Bin Laden has 36 Nukes [Hamid Mir wasn’t even Dawn Employee not even on contract] what was the purpose of such stories which always embarrassed Pakistan. There are several Militants of Northern Areas who used to address crowded Press Conference and getting coverage in every Private TV Channels in Pakistan. Basically this Rat Race amongst TV Channels has ruined the mental peace of Pakistanis. Nobody is saying to ban TV Channels but did anyone ever questioned the news they present, its veracity, its source, and its background. These TV Channels are keeping alive this “Alleged War On Terror” to make money out of the miseries of People of NWFP, Baluchistan and FATA.

  5. Jang Group/GEO TV had played a very dirty role during Mumbai Tragedy in 2008 while relaying a bogus “Investigative Report on Ajmal Kasab” on GEO TV and the same Jang Group particularly Mr Mahmood Sham (Group Editor Daily Jang), Mr Shaheen Sehbai (Group Editor The News International), Mr Kamran Khan (Senior Correspondent Jang/The News and GEO TV) and Mr Rauf Klasra (Senior Correspondent Jang/The News International) played a very dirty role after the murder of US Journlaist Daniel Pearl in Karachi in 2002. This very same Jang Group/GEO TV is now lecturing Pakistanis for Peace with India had itself launched a Vilification Campaign againt PPP and raised doubts on the Patiroitsm and Loyalty of PPP and President Asif Ali Zardari when they tried to formulate a policy on Kerry Lugar Bill, No First Strike, and Dialogues wih India. Now read what Jang and Times of India have jointly been saying and Jang Group/GEO TV/The News International have introduced a permanent link on their websites to promote Pakistan-India Peace.

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