Posts Tagged ‘Kamran Khan’

کامران خان: متحدہ قومی موومنٹ میڈیا منسٹر

Wednesday, September 14th, 2011

آج کامران خان کے ساتھ جیو ٹی وی کا ایک بہت مشہور تجزیاتی پروگرام ھے لیکن حال ھی میں بروڈکاسٹ کیئے گئے پروگرامز ک دیکھ کر کچھ ایسے لگتا ھے جیسے کامران خان تجزیہ نگار کم اور ایم کیو ایم کے میڈیا منسٹر زیادہ ھیں۔

نیچے دی گئی ایک کلپ ملاحضہ فرمائیے۔

 

 

اس ویڈیو کو دیکھنے کے بعد یہ صاف واضع ھو جاتا ھے کہ کامران خان مصطفہ کمال کی تعریف کرتے نہیں تھکتے اور درمیانہ روی اختیار کرنے کے بجائے ام کیو ایم کی طرف داری کرنا شروع ھو گے۔

جو بات کامران خان صاحب کے روئیے سے پتا چلتی ھے وہ ھے کہ عوام کے جزبات پر کھیلتے ھوئے صرف اپنی ریٹنگ بڑھانہ ایک نہایت گری ھوئی بات ھے اور اینکر حضرات کو وہ سوالات کرنے چاھیں جو کہ اب تک نھیں اٹھائے گئے ھیں۔ جو بات کامران خان صاحب کے روئیے سے پتا چلتی ھے وہ ھے کہ عوام کے جزبات پر کھیلتے ھوئے صرف اپنی ریٹنگ بڑھانہ ایک نہایت گری ھوئی بات ھے اور اینکر حضرات کو وہ سوالات کرنے چاھیں جو کہ اب تک نھیں اٹھائے گئے ھیں۔

کامران خان صاحب سے چند سوالات پاکستان میڈیا واچ بھی کرن چاھے گی۔ کیا انہوں نے اپنے پروگام میں چٹ پٹی مصالحہ دار گپ شپ کے بجائے کبھی مندرجہ ذیل سوالات اٹھائے ھیں۔

          1. کیا اس بات کا پتا چلانا ضروری نہیں تھا کہ اسامہ بن لادن پچھلے پانچ سال میں پاکستان میں کیسے موجود تھا بجائے اس کے کہ ملکی خودمختاری کا رونا رویا جائے۔
          2. بڑے ناموں والے سیاست دانوں نے اپنے سرکاری یا سیاسی عہدے کیوں چھوڑے۔
          3. گورنر پنجاب کا قتل صرف ایک آدمی کے سر پر ھے یا اس کا قصوروار ھمارہ معاشرہ ھے جس نے ان حالات کو پنپنے کی اجازت دی۔
          4. پی۔این۔ایس مہران کے حملہ وار آخر کون تھے۔
          5. وفاقی وزیر شہباز بھٹی کا قاتل کون ھے اور کیا مسلمان نہ ھونا ھی صرف انہیں قتل کرنے کے لیے جواز کافی ھے۔
          6. کیا دھشت گردی کراچی کے بڑھتے ھوئے خراب حالات کی ذمہ دار نھیں ھے۔
          7. کیا الطاف حسین اور ذولفقار مرزا صاحبان کی الزام تراشیاں ملک کے حق میں اچھی ھیں۔

کسی بھی اینکر کا  اصل مقصد اپنی رائے نہیں بالکہ اپنے مہمان کی رائے اور پرسپیکٹؤ لینا ھوتا ھے۔ اپنی ذاتی رائے گھول کر عوام کو خبروں کے روپ میں پیش کرنا نا صرف غلط ھے بالکہ ان پروفیشنل بھی۔

اول بات تو یہ دوم یہ کہ کامران خان ایک مشہور اور پرانے اینکر پرسن ھیں۔ انہیں اس بات کا احساس ھونا چاہیے کہ عوام تک ضروری اور سچی خبر پہنچانے کی ذمہ داری ان کے کندھوں پر ھےعوام ٹاک شوز اس لئے دیکھتی ھے تاکہ  اسےاس بات کا علم ھو سکے کہ مسائل کی وجوہات اور ان کے حل کیا ھیں۔۔


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Posted in Blogs, Geo TV, Uncategorized, Urdu Media, اردو | No Comments »

Flogging the dead horse of visa conspiracies

Thursday, February 3rd, 2011

Flogging the dead horse of visa conspiracy

The conspiracy theory about ‘suspicious foreigners’ being issued visas by the Embassy in Washington is a horse long dead. Nevertheless, journalists continue to drag it into the street for a public flogging whenever possible. With the arrest of the American Raymond Davis for shooting two men in Lahore in what he claims was self defense, this conspiracy theory was dusted off and dragged back into the streets for one more beating.

We noted yesterday that Raymond Davis’s visa was not issued by the Washington Embassy after Shireen Mazari dragged this old conspiracy theory out on Kamran Khan’s show of Monday night. As a reminder, this what Dawn reported on the issue:

Diplomatic sources in Islamabad said that Raymond Davis had first received a three-month diplomatic visa on a diplomatic passport on request of the US State Department in September 2009. That is the only visa issued to him by the Pakistan embassy in Washington.

On that occasion, the State Department had said Davis would be visiting Pakistan for a short term as a technical adviser. Subsequently, Davis received extensions to his visa in Islamabad or elsewhere.

His presence in Pakistan after the expiry of his first visa in December 2009 was neither known to nor authorised by the Pakistan embassy in Washington or the Foreign Office.

Obviously, it did not make any sense for Shireen Mazari to keep flogging the horse long after it is declared dead, and it makes even less for Ansar Abbasi to take the stick from Shireen’s hand to continue the flogging. In fact, this horse has been dead for quite some time. But since when have Shireen Mazari or Ansar Abbasi let the facts get in the way of a good conspiracy?

Ansar Abbasi blatantly ignores all the facts in his latest column for The News, replacing facts instead with innuendo. He begins by suggesting that the fault of the shooting is partially with President Zardari for expanding visa requests by Americans and in the Washington Embassy issuing Raymond Davis’s visa.

This situation has built up in the backdrop of last year’s extraordinary laxity allowed in the visa policy for American officials following President Asif Ali Zardari’s personal intervention without the approval of the federal cabinet.

The policy, which has already started pinching many in the Foreign Office and security agencies, has resulted in visas issued by the Pakistani Embassy in Washington without any security clearance.

However, as we have already shown the Washington Embassy was not the issuing office. Abbasi even noticed another hole in his conspiracy and tries to patch it up without anyone noticing.

Details show that Davis, who is suspected to be either a CIA agent or member of a private agency like Blackwater, had been issued visa before the introduction of the new but extremely vulnerable system under which Pakistan’s Embassy in Washington is free to issue visa to anyone without any security clearance from Pakistani security agencies.

Did you catch what Ansar Abbasi just admitted? Raymond Davis’s visa was issued BEFORE President Zardari could have requested any changes to visa policy. So Raymond Davis’s visa was not issued by the Washington Embassy and was not issued after Zardari requested any changes to visa policy. If this is the case, it must be asked why does Ansar Abbasi try to make these connections in the minds of his readers? It is reasonable to conclude that part of the reason must be a political agenda. But there is possibly something more going on.

The answer comes as the reader continues. Ansar Abbasi claims that “from January 1, 2010 to 14 July 2010, a total of 1,895 officials and diplomats were issued visas by the Pakistan Embassy in Washington”. Whether or not these figures are accurate is unknown. What is known is that Raymond Davis was not one of those people. Again the question must be asked why Ansar Abbasi continues to point out irrelevant and unrelated facts.

What Ansar Abbasi is doing is making all Americans in Pakistan ‘guilty by association’. His argument is that Raymond Davis is an American with a visa and he shot someone, so maybe every other American with a visa will also shoot someone. This is the same argument that American right-wing zealots make about Muslims. They say that Faisal Shazad tried to kill Americans, and Faisal Shahzad is Muslim, therefore Americans should fear all Muslims. Ansar Abbasi’s anti-American rhetoric is cut from the same cloth as his Islamophobic counterparts on the American right-wing.

The truth is that most Muslims in America (or anywhere on Earth) are not terrorist bombers. Also most Americans in Pakistan (or anywhere on Earth) are not shooting people in the streets. Claims to the contrary are fictions invented as a strategy of ‘fear-based politics’.

Interior Minister Rehman Malik told the Senate today that Raymond Davis was carrying a diplomatic passport and a valid visa that was issued after a security clearance. He also noted that Raymond Davis’s name has been placed on the Exit Control List. Earlier this week, President Zardari told a delegation of US Congressmen that Raymond Davis’s case is before the courts and the legal course must be allowed to complete.

Ansar Abbasi does not bother to dispute the facts. What he does is try to put fear in the minds of the people based on innuendo and ‘guilt by association’. Raymond Davis is being held by the police and the law is taking its course. As if they are disappointed that the government is not acting as a lap dog to the US, Shireen Mazari and Ansar Abbasi create scandal where there is none. There has already been one tragedy suffered. Let’s stop trying to make it worse, please.

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Posted in Geo TV, Jang, The News | 2 Comments »

Raymond Davis Case Is Sub Judice, Not Sub Media

Tuesday, February 1st, 2011

Raymond Davis surrounded by media cameras

There is nothing positive about a tragedy such as occurred last week when an American Consulate employee shot two men and a third died in a vehicular accident involving another American Consulate employee. Unfortunately, some in the media have taken the opportunity of this tragedy to promote confusion, conspiracy theories, and political agendas instead of presenting the facts. In some instances, there are even suggestions that the media is covering up some facts that are deemed inconvenient to a specific political agenda.

Kamran Shafi succinctly describes the various and contradictory ways the Raymond Davis case has been presented in the media:

He is alleged to be, variously, a spy, a Blackwater operative, a security guard and a US diplomat. There are as many stories about the man in our press as there are reporters in the newspapers, not one of them leading the reader to any conclusion.

In just one day we are regaled by differing accounts in different newspapers: one saying David had overstayed his visa by two years, another telling us his visa was valid until 2012; one saying he was not a diplomat, yet another telling us that he was an ‘official’, and so on and so forth. I have been following this case since the day of the shooting, have read every word written about it, and have to say that I am most confused. Nothing makes sense at all — a lot of which has to do with the conspiracy theorists and the and their spin quacks putting a spin on any aspect they can get their hands on.

In what is already a case filled with questions, media coverage is actually adding to the confusion rather than cutting through it. What is worst, Kamran notes that one eye witness account from the scene has disappeared from reporting.

What I myself saw on the very day of the shooting, about two hours after the event, was the interview of a young man off the street, conducted by a loud and vociferous channel. When asked what he had seen the man said: “pistol” (“The two motorcyclists drew their pistols to rob the foreigner [using the near-pejorative term , or Whitey] who shot them dead”). This was repeated twice in a period of 30 or so minutes and then taken off air. This is what I saw and heard myself. It is pertinent to note that that young man has not been seen, nor heard from, again. Neither has any newspaper quoted what he said on record.

Could it be that media is self-censoring this eye witness account because it is inconvenient to a specific political agenda?

Thankfully, one journalist is standing out in the crowd – Najam Sethi. As Cafe Pyala notes, Sethi “began his new programme Aapas Ki Baat with the warning that he wanted to put emotionalism aside and analyse the incident only in terms of the facts“. This was indeed a breath of fresh air.

Najam Sethi on Aapas Ki BaatNot only did Sethi cite the actual clauses of the Vienna Convention on diplomatic immunity (which Pakistan has ratified) that have been furiously talked about but never actually specifically referenced, but also put into context the whole issue in light of contemporary history and geopolitical realities. Now, others may question his interpretations of the Vienna Convention or the heretofore unknown ‘facts’ he presented as definite realities (we have no way of determining their veracity but he did stake his reputation on their authenticity), but I hope such challenges, if they do come, will be based on proof rather than vague emotionalism.

Cafe Pyala provides as comparison the way the issue was handled by Kamran Khan and his guest Shireen Mazari who trots out the old conspiracy theory that Ambassador Husain Haqqani is issuing visas to ‘suspicious foreigners’ in effort to somehow connect him to the Raymond Davis case. But as Dawn reports today, Raymond Davis’s visa was not issued by the Washington Embassy.

Diplomatic sources in Islamabad said that Raymond Davis had first received a three-month diplomatic visa on a diplomatic passport on request of the US State Department in September 2009. That is the only visa issued to him by the Pakistan embassy in Washington.

On that occasion, the State Department had said Davis would be visiting Pakistan for a short term as a technical adviser. Subsequently, Davis received extensions to his visa in Islamabad or elsewhere.

His presence in Pakistan after the expiry of his first visa in December 2009 was neither known to nor authorised by the Pakistan embassy in Washington or the Foreign Office.

Why Shireen Mazari brings up Husain Haqqani in a discussion of the Raymond Davis case is a question that should be asked. It is already established that the Embassy in Washington did not issue the visas, so why is it entering the debate? Kamran Khan and Shireen MazariIt appears that this is another example of media personalities using tragic events to promote a particular political agenda rather than simply providing and commenting on the facts.

Stories like the Raymond Davis case are delicate diplomatic matters between states, and it is imperative that the people have the facts straight so that they understand why government officials take whatever actions they deem necessary. It is also important that the facts are presented objectively so that the officials responsible for making decisions at such a highly diplomatic level are not confused or misled in their own right.

The Raymond Davis case is more than simply a diplomatic mess, though – it is a question of specific facts and laws. In other words, it is a legal case. There has been much complaining in the media about US officials trying to influence the government one way or the other. These journalists should take their own advice. Presently the matter is sub judice and not sub media.

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Posted in Geo TV | 6 Comments »

Paranoia Growing at Jang Group

Monday, May 24th, 2010

Reading The News today, one would be forgiven for thinking that Jang was an oppressed minority rather than the wealthy corporation that it is. What is, perhaps, more interesting, however, is that the news organization has begun to write paranoid stories about super secret conspiracies against some of its employees. As usual, though, Jang knows just who the conspirators are.

To be sure, this blog does not condone any violence or destruction of property at demonstrations against Jang and Geo offices in Karachi. If the people have a problem with Jang, they certainly have the right to air their greivances – but this should be done only in a peaceful and constructive manner.

That said, Jang’s reaction in an editorial in today’s The News is a bit over-the-top. The hyperventilating writers call the protests “the face of facism,” not realizing that a protest by the people against a large corporation that engages in political propaganda is the opposite of facism. Then, Jang goes on to blame the present government for the protests, despite not providing one bit of evidence for such a claim.

 Its vandalism, its violence on those guarding our offices and the harassment of our workers, all are the latest feathers in the crown of the present ‘democratic’ government which has made no bones about its intention to target this group, and through it the whole of free and independent media. 

Jang, of course, sees itself as the ‘freedom fighter’ who is ‘speaking truth to power’ (this despite the fact that top Jang journalists such as Ansar Abbasi, Shaheen Sehbai, and Hamid Mir have consistently had a distinct problem with ‘truth’) and the present government as the face of all that is evil.

We are aware of the price of truth spoken in the face of power, particularly when power is reeking of corruption, incompetence and illegitimacy from top to toe.

Just yesterday, Ansar Abbasi wrote an article that made some claims about decisions made at a secret meeting at the Presidency (how would Ansar Abbasi of all people know anything that was discussed at Presidency?), and then made his own pronouncement that the government is in contempt of court!

This is not “speaking truth to power,” as Jang might want to believe, but simply making up storied and issuing pretend court decisions. It’s just silly.

But the paranoia does not stop there. Today’s The News features an unattributed article that claims that government is preparing fake tapes of Jang reporters. The article does not provide any sources, only saying that “highly reliable sources” have told him that

Surprisingly, however, in a departure from the past practice the smear campaign shall not be carried out by the Interior Ministry, but actually is being overseen by a group of intelligence functionaries considered very close to the bosses of the Law Ministry.

In order to believe this, you have to believe that the government is carrying out a super-top-secret plan to create fake tapes, and that they are telling the people who are targeted. It simply makes no sense.

Reading the list of supposed targets, though, I couldn’t help but chuckle.

The hit list comprises (so far): Hamid Mir (Host, Capital Talk), Shaheen Sehbai (Group Editor, The News), Ansar Abbassi (Editor Investigations, The News) Mohammad Malick (Resident Editor, The News Islamabad-Rawalpindi), Kamran Khan (Host, Aaj Kamran Khan Kay Saath) and Dr Shahid Masood (Host, Meray Mutabiq).

Ah, yes. Six of the most inflated egos in journalism today. Also six of the people who are, quite frankly, some of the worst journalists around. Certainly each of these would love to believe that the entire government was focused on him. While they are preening their pretty haircuts, they fantasize about being the heroes of the modern world fighting against the ‘fascists’ that were elected by the people.

If we could run power plants on the egos of some of our journalists, we would not have any energy crisis for centuries. Sadly, one of the many side-effects of an inflated ego is a growing sense of paranoia. The egoist believes that everyone is out to get him, even though the truth is most people don’t even care about him. There seems to be a growing sense of paranoia within Jang. Let’s hope they are able to find a little bit of humilty before their paranoia consumes them completely.

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Posted in Jang | 18 Comments »

Conspiracy Brigade Strikes Again Right On Cue

Thursday, May 6th, 2010

Conspiracy Brigade

The conspiracy brigade strikes again, and right on cue. When I first saw the news that some Pakistani had been arrested for the plot to bomb New York, I knew it was just a matter of time before the conspiracy wallahs were out in force.

True to form, Talat Hussain ranted on Aaj that there is some secret plan to pressurise Pakistan to ‘do more.’ He even tried to revive the stinking corpse of the Seymour Hersh conspiracy and Kerry-Lugar by saying that bills such as this are just there to offer a price.

This is the same nonsense that was being recited by Kamran Khan on Geo. Whatever channel I turn to, I am hearing echoes of the same utter nonsense about how maybe the timing of Hakimullah’s statement suggests a conspiracy against Pakistan.

The only surprising thing about the return of the conspiracy brigade is that they took so long to get their story worked out! I’m especially surprised that it took them so long since they seem to have only been able to revive some old dead conspiracies from the past. Really, guys, I expect you to put a little more effort into your work!

But seriously, let’s consider the facts here. This idiot Faisal Shahzad tries to blow up a car bomb – he even admits to it. For the conspiracy brigade, though, it is everyone’s fault but Faisal and his jihadi mentors.

Why can’t this idiot just be an idiot?

Faisal Shahzad, idiot

For the conspiracy brigade, it’s always the same story. After Mumbai, same thing. These conspiracy theorists want us to live in denial always. The fact that these conspiracy wallahs are hawking this nonsense on TV really makes my blood boil. For all their complaining, our problems will not be solved by pointing the finger at India or some blaming some conspiracy in Washington every time some idiot decides to blow himself up.

Guys, I hate to tell you this, but there are actually some idiots in our country. We need to face that fact so that we can do something about it. Because there is one conspiracy against Pakistan that is very real – the conspiracy by the terrorists who continue to attack us.

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Posted in Conspiracy Theories | 7 Comments »

Is Media Being Bought By Hotelier?

Friday, March 5th, 2010

An interesting post by Riaz Ahmed originally posted on the blog “Let Us Build Pakistan” suggests that perhaps big money is censoring media coverage of the Pearl Continental Hotel strike in Karachi. I did a Google News search for any articles in the last week with the keywords Pearl Continental Hotel Strike and found there were zero hits. This is a shameful episode for Pakistani media.

It has been 9 days that over 150 workers at Pearl Continental Hotel Karachi are protesting against the sacking of 4 union and over 98 other workers. In protest they have occupied the basement of the 5-star hotel for the last 9 days and despite police raids and bullying and threats by security guards they have not left the site of occupation. This is a historic protest by workers in Karachi, the largest industrial city, where workers movement is generally luke-warm in manners. Occupation by a large number of workers at a prime site means that they have been pushed against the wall.

Pearl Continental Hotel Strike

However the media in Karachi are pretty quiet about the situation. The PC management, chaired by the 5th richest person in Pakistan Mr Hashwani, has managed to keep the media silent, the police raids and arrests of male and female workers and their manhandling all have been hushed-up.

The only media which is reporting about the strike is the stinking right-wing press named Daily Ummat. The entire liberal, pro-democracy, pro-human rights English and otherwise ‘fighting for freedom of media and democracy’ press have managed not to report the protests, arrests and the occupation of PC workers in Karachi.

Today, March 04, 2010, Express TV crew came to cover the protest at the 2nd site of the protest ie the camp in front of PC and interviewed and filmed many agitators. Reportedly their entire story was killed by one Director named Fahd Hussain for no obvious reason. The only reason is ‘its is not allowed’.

Pearl Continental Hotel Strike 2

PC hotel workers share a very tiny fraction of the billions earned by the Hashwani group. Since 2001 about 250 sacked workers have been protesting but their is no response. Now a new layer of sacked workers and those showing solidarity with them have been targeted by the rich management. It is time media wakes-up and express its neutrality about the protest.

A commenter on the original post, Mr. Aamir Mughal sheds more light on the situation:

Mr Kamran Khan [Senior Correspondent of Daily Jang/GEO/The News] is a very close friend of Sadruddin Hashwani [Owner of PC] hence the news in censored. I wonder how does Kamran Khan maintain/afford houses in Defence Society Phase 6 and another house in PECHS [RAZI ROAD] Karachi and both the localities are considered Posh and “Costly” residential quarters of Karachi. How many Senior Journalist can afford a sport car like Mr. Kamran Khan do? By the way Kamran Khan was also very “closed” to Brigadier Imtiaz [since the days Imtiaz was only a Colonel in Karachi].

This looks very bad, indeed.

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Posted in Censorship, Jang | 5 Comments »

Pakistan's New Media Dictionary

Saturday, December 19th, 2009

The esteemed and very witty Nadeem Paracha has posted a satire of Pakistan’s media worthy of the greatest rewards on the Dawn blog. In case you haven’t seen it, here it is for your enlightenment. We only recommend that you do not try to read while drinking your chai, otherwise you may spill it on your computer while you are laughing!

Advertising:
A very important phenomenon in the Pakistani electronic media, where little, irritating films about fairness creams and mobile phone connections become the lifeline of big, irritating seths running really irritating TV channels. Also, the constant source of that wonderfully poignant line, ‘choti si break,’ which, however, may last as long as a military dictatorship in Pakistan.

Asif Ali Zardari:
A custom-made punching bag with prominent teeth for talk show hosts to practice theirjihadi judo chops and passionate, ‘anti-corruption’ missionary positions on.

Aamir Liaquat:
Name of a special Pilgrimage Package offered by Peo Travels (Pvt.) Ltd. to specifically attract fitnahs to go for Haj and get God’s approval of their meaningful hatred of sub-humans (such as Jews, Ahmadiyyas, Hindus, liberals and swine flu carriers). Also the name of a hyperbolic over-actor masquerading as a ‘religious scholar’ on a TV drama masquerading as a ‘religious advice show’ on a gossip channel masquerading as a ‘news channel.’

Aishwarya Rai:
Famous Indian tree-hugger (especially on mangals), who is also a favourite of rabid anti-Hindu Pakistanis who will let her go (along with her tree, but not her husband), when they conquer India during the Ghazwa-ul-Hind in 2012 AD and slaughter all the Hindus of the world with their nuclear-powered laser-swords and bad TV shows, such as Muhammad Bin Iqbal Saladin Qasim Ka Pakistan.

Aaj TV:
A TV channel you’d rather leave for kal (as in yesterday).

Aag TV:
The favourite music channel of freckled, teenaged fascists.

ARY News:
A TV channel set up by jewellers. Get the picture?

Bobby Master:
Some guy who serves tea at a famous Pakistani TV channel. Most probably the most intelligent fellow there.

Conspiracy Theory:
A theory that is not a theory at all but a hard fact on Pakistani TV channels. Anyone disagreeing with the hard and loud factoids (conspiratorially called conspiracy theorists), is a Mossad/CIA/RAW/NASA/KFC agent and a possible swine flu carrier who would be lined up against the walls of Delhi’s Red Fort and shot dead during the Ghazwa-ul-Hind in 2012 AD.

Dr. Danish:
A dentist.

Duniya TV:
A channel on which Sohail Warraich tries to be funny, and Najam Sethi, serious.

Dawn.Com: 
A place where tiny worthless dots gather at dawn to receive handouts from the many myriad enemies of Pakistan –  such as, Indians, Americans, Israelites and Tellytubbies – so that they can use cyberspace to spread their anti-Islam, anti-Pakistan, anti-Shan propaganda through anti-Islam, anti-Pakistan, anti-Tigar Balm writers, columnists, subeditors, reporters, accountants, tea boys and gymnasts. Just what this article is doing on this site, I have no idea. All I know is it’s a conspiracy because Rana Naveedul Hassan said so.

DawnNews:
A groovy hang out where pleasant young men and women practice and sharpen their newly acquired American accents by toning their frequently mobile jaws. Here, cops become ‘caaps,’ jobs become ‘jaabs,’ Pakistan becomes ‘Pai-khis-tan,’ and Karachi becomes LA.

Dr. Shahid Masood:
A TV hakeem famous for his tangy concoctions and cocktails made from the equally famous witch-doctor Harun Yahya’s recipes of Vulcan stew, Martian soup, and other out-of-space (and out-of-mind) delicacies. If you look closely, you will notice that the good doctor also has a moustache, which many believe was gifted to him by Hamid Gul on his second birthday in 377 BC, during the first Ghazwa-ul-Hind.

Eeeeek!
A common female vocal response after watching Dr. Masood’s moustache fall every time someone mentions ‘PTV’ or something about him having a Canadian passport.
‘Me? No. (Plop!) Oops.’
‘Eeeek …!’

Express News:
An express-ion connoting something half-baked, done in a hurry. Example: ‘All pace and no substance makes Jack an Express News.’

Geo TV:
A Mongolian TV brand that can be watched on horseback while triumphantly marching into Hindustan during the Ghazwa-ul-Hind, Holi,Dewali, and Filmfare Awards. Shows programs hosted by hard, loud factoids bred on prime Vulcan stew and Hilal ki Ding Dong Bubblegum.

Ghazwa-ul-Hind: 
A forthcoming Lollywood science-fiction blockbuster directed by Zaid Hamid, produced by Dr. Shahid Masood, and staring Maria B., Ali Azmat, Hamid Gul, Irfan Siddiqui, and Yoda.

Hamid Mir:
A wrestler.

Hamid Gul:
The guy who gave Shahid Masood his moustache and the man Masood hasn’t stopped thanking. ‘Thank you, Hamid Gul sahib, for coming on the show…’ ‘Thank you, Hamid Gulsahib, for coming on the show…’ ‘Thank you, Hamid Gul sahib, for coming on the show…’ ‘Thank you, Hamid Gul sahib, for coming on the show…’ Why can’t his show just be called The Gul-Masood Show?

Indus News:
A news channels watched on the banks of the River Indus. By fish.

Iqbal Ka Pakistan:
The show that makes the great allama roll in his grave each week.

Imran Khan:
A man who still thinks the Taliban is a brand name for a series of chubby, cuddly teddy bears.

Kashif Abbasi:
A TV anchor whose eyes turned green after he’s had a bit too much of Dr. Masood’s Vulcan stew.

Kamran Khan:
A very dry man.

Maria B.
A fashion designer who is a fan of Zaid Hamid and thus keeps getting a ‘C’ in politics. She should actually be called Maria C., or Maria Z. Or better, Maria GHB (Maria Ghuzwa-ul-Hind B).

Munawar Hussain:
A guy who believes the Taliban are bigger than Elvis.

Mushtaq Minhas:
A very strange man.

Nusrat Javed:
Another very strange man.

Nadeem F. Paracha:
An abomination brought to life by the Elders of Zion and the illuminati to misguide innocent young Pakistani patriots and mohib-e-watan-Ghazwa-ul-Hind warriors with the help of CIA money, NASA spacesuits, and KFC Zinger Burgers. Most probably has ancient Dravidian Hindu blood running in his veins and is certainly out to destroy the super-duper Muslim master-race.

Nadia Khan:
A woman who grew up watching too many Hasina Moin plays.

Nawaz Sharif:
The ‘N’ in PML-N, some of whose starlets are still trying to put an ‘N’ in the Tehrik-e-Taliban Pakistan (TTP) as well. Example: PTT-N. Likely to be disappointed.

PTV:
The channel only Rehman Malik and Bilawal Bhutto watch.

Qazi Hussain Ahmed:
A very old man.

Taliban: 
Very hairy people who, in spite of being extremely obvious and ubiquitous, are still treated as ghosts by many TV hosts and their guests. They’d rather believe Elvis is alive than agree that it is the Taliban who are blowing themselves up in markets and mosques every now and then.
Example:
News Item: Taliban take responsibility for Pindi mosque blast.
Host: Who are these men?
News Item: Taliban take responsibility for Pindi mosque blast.
Host: Who can these terrorists be?
News Item: TALIBAN TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR PINDI MOSQUE BLAST!!!
Host: Who can do such a thing? Is it the Indians? Israel? CIA? Elvis?

Zaid Hamid:
A fast-talking rap artiste who stole Ali Azmat’s soul (and guitar), and turned Aag TV into the official Ghazwa-ul-Hind music channel. His biggest hits are ‘Let’s march on Delhi, y’all!’ ‘Hindus are insects, y’all,’ ‘I love wars, y’all,’ ‘M. B. Qasim is ma man, y’all,’ ‘So is Maria B, y’all,’ ‘Even though she’s a woman, y’all.’ Recently, Zaid also claimed that Ali Azmat’s tind is a UFO landing site. Ali was thrilled.

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Pakistan’s Rush Limbaugh: Lies, Damned Lies and Shahid Masood

Monday, November 2nd, 2009

These days Shahid Masood is leading the charge in the camp which wants to destabilize the democratically elected civilian government of Pakistan. He is the man who initiated the Kerry-Lugar controversy and is again responsible for creating the current NRO problem.

So who is this man and what is his mission. In this piece PMW will take a look at the continuing strain of lies by so-called political commentator Shahid Masood which have taken a very high toll and need to be shown for what they are — lies!

Dr Masood’s habit of creating or constructing his own facts, of claiming to know everyone, of claiming to be wherever and whenever something important is about to happen are now no longer taken at face value. It is time people challenged his falsehoods.

In 2006 on one of his programs for ARY TV Dr Shahid Masood plagiarized material from some documentary films. In his show ‘Views on News’ Dr Masood cited material and dramatic footage belonging to a documentary ‘The End Times and the Mahdi’ produced by a Muslim Turkish scholar Dr Harun Yahya without acknowledging this fact. He and ARY TV are lucky that Dr Yahya did not sue them.

In early 2008 a veteran Pakistani journalist used the following words to refer to Masood:

“He’s a doctor by career but a journalist by profession. How convenient is that!” Further, “The surgeon-turned-media darling got chummy with Benazir Bhutto, Nawaz Sharif, and Pervez Musharraf; chatted up retired and serving generals for kiss-and-tell stories; interviewed anyone he so chose to grill and eventually landed as the czar of Pakistan Television, despite not wanting to take the job but took it at the insistence of Asif Ali Zardari!”

In November 2008 fellow host Kamran Khan (of Aaj Kamran Khan Ke Sath, GEO) decided to strike a body blow to the “fast sinking ship” of Dr. Shahid Masood. With reference to Dr. Shahid Masood’s appearance in Iftikhar Ahmed’s ‘Jawab Deh’ (November 23rd), Kamran Khan made the following observations:

“Dr. Shahid Masood claimed in ‘Jawab Deh’ that Dr. Ishrat-ul-Ibad had been his class-fellow. This is proven to be a lie. They didn’t even attend the same institution.

“Dr. Shahid Masood claimed in this column in Jang (a day after Musharraf’s resignation) that he was present in the same room that Musharraf gave his resignation speech in. This again, has been proved a lie by a serving member of the President’s House staff who called in. The official visitor’s list does not include Dr. Shahid Masood’s name as he had been stopped at the reception. Additionally, Hassan Kazmi who is a senior producer of Samaa TV and was actually part of Samaa TV’s broadcast team at the venue and an eye-witness to the entire event, also confirms that Dr. Shahid Masood’s article in Jang was a bundle of lies.

“Dr. Shahid Masood claimed in Iftikhar Ahmed’s ‘Jawab Deh’ on Geo, November 23rd, that all expenses for the ‘Dialogue’ (Dr. Shahid’s think-tank) conferences in Dubai and the US were paid for by those who attended. One of the members called in to expose this as yet another lie; all expenses, including airline tickets and hotel bookings were in fact paid for by Dr. Shahid Masood himself.

So who is Shahid Masood and what is his real agenda? Is he one of the shadowy figures in our politics-media world who make money and gain power and prestige from spreading false rumors, distorting facts and encouraging the various elements in society to fight with each other?

TV anchors and media personalities are supposed to present facts and give their opinions – they are not supposed to pronounce judgments based on twisted facts. People like Dr Shahid Masood twist facts, give their opinions as facts and then make pronouncements on leaders, countries and the future.

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