Posts Tagged ‘Satire’

PEMRA should not confuse satire with defamation

Wednesday, February 1st, 2012

PEMRAChasing the coat tails of public outcry over Maya Khan’s infamous show, PEMRA has finally taken notice of undesirable media practices. According to a report in The News (Jang Group), PEMRA has stated that it intends to curb not only programmes that invade personal privacy, but satire also.

The authority also reiterated its resolve to curb the derogatory and defamatory satirical programmes aired by many channels in the guise of parody that are inadvertently being used for demeaning and defaming dignitaries.

Defamation is defined under Article 3 of the Defamation Ordinance 2002 requires that “a false statement or representation”. The reason for defamation laws, which are common throughout the world, is to prevent the spread of malicious and vindictive lies to damage someone’s reputation.

Satire is something very different. Satire is the use of irony, sarcasm, and humour to highlight folly with the intention of making an editorial point. It is an ancient art form practiced all over the world, often to point out the mistakes and misbehaviour of elite and powerful figures in society. Satire is inherently promoting a particular opinion or perspective, and is usually considered a specially protected form of free speech.

Examples of satire include many of Nadeem Paracha’s columns for Dawn, Beygairat Brigade song ‘Aalu Anday’

and Aaj TV‘s 4 Man Show

These programmes are not presenting false representations to defame or demean anyone. They are merely using humour to highlight the eccentricities and particularities of prominent issues and persons in society. Just because someone is a dignitary or has achieved a high reputation, it does not mean that they are flawless. Actually, many argue that the more influence a person or institution has, the more important it is to scrutinise them so that they live up to the expectations that society places on them.

PEMRA does not need to curb satirical programmes, which are part and parcel of a healthy debate and discussion in society. Rather, the regulatory agency needs to curb the false and defamatory information that is all too common in news reports. Rather than crack down on satire, PEMRA should issue guidelines about biased reporting and publishing opinions and viewpoints outside the clearly labeled spaces for such views so that readers and viewers clearly know when they are being presented with facts and when they are being presented with someone’s personal opinion.

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Nadeem F. Paracha: The fantastical world of advertising

Friday, January 21st, 2011

What would life be like if it resembled any of the numerous TV commercials that are forced down our already choked throats?

For starters, all the women in the family would remain (dressed to the nines, of course) in a kitchen, preparing all kinds of food with a favourite cooking oil which they see as the real source behind their husbands’ and in-laws’ approval and love.

Oil. YUM!Each time the in-laws crack open their wide, greedy smiles after tasting the food, and the hubby shows more interest in her cooking skills than in any other of her equally good talents, she will point to the cooking oil ka dabba and pat it proudly – as if it contained some kind of a magic potion that helps keep her family eating and smiling, eating and smiling, eating and smiling all day long …

Her entire life would comprise of a vicious circle where all she does is get decked up, go into the kitchen and prepare food, with the cooking oil right there besides her of course. When in reality the damn oil ka dabba should have been swung unabashedly at the heads of the grinning in-laws and the stupid hubby!

By the way, if the lady also has kids (wonder when or how that happened with the amount of cooking), then most probably she will also be (literally) singing praises for a milk brand that she sees as giving her children brilliant, encyclopaedic intelligence and all sorts of powers which may include x-ray vision, gravity defying flight, and the ability to climb and jump over tall buildings like Spiderman.

But no matter what, the lady of the house remains glued to the kitchen while the in-laws remain stuck to the dining table, asking for more and more with not even a rudimentary burp distracting their enormous appetites.

In this fantastical world there are also women who are forever seen hovering around washing machines, constantly doing mad experiments with two different types of washing powders.

At times they almost push their kids to the brink of hysteria just so the poor kids can play in a puddle of filthy mud and get their clothes dirty, enough for the ladies to effectively conduct experiments with the detergents to see which one cleans the best.

It seems that from all the mad washing powder experiments, a Frankenstein-like dhobi smelling of assorted detergents will appear and take care of their washing needs! Ah, the wonders of corporate science.

Alas, as we move beyond the women stuck forever in the kitchen or the mad women playing with washing powder brands, we are introduced to the women (again, all decked up, of course) doing a crisscross between the Macarena and assorted filmi twists in front of deep freezers and refrigerators.

As if disillusioned by human beings, they have decided to fall head-over-heels over chunks of smooth metal and plastic, and sing cheesy odes to them just because they either make great cubes of ice or can safely store a month’s supply of bukra eid gosht! Remember the in-laws, mate? Always hungry.

As we leave the (demented) ladies of this fantastical world to their appliances, we come across the men of this world. The sort who actually love cars, bikes and mobile phone more than their mothers and wives!

It also seems they are capable of selling their grandparents to get their hands on the most recent mobile phone model just so they can listen to the latest R&B ditty as a ring-tone. It is kind of fascinating watching all these macho metrosexuals swinging to music.

Their girlfriends/fiancées are wasting their time with these guys unless of course, they are smart enough to get their men’s instant attention by:

(a) Applying tons and tons of magical fairness creams on their faces (because otherwise, they are destined to die as rotting, dark spinsters) or,
(b) They are always ready to break into a Bollywood style group dance with the guy at the drop of a hat!

Obviously, these men are never expected to bring home some hard-earned money to put food on the table, but hey, who cares about real world stuff when you can move like Hrithik Roshan tripping on nitrous oxide!

But there are some “sober” men in this fantastic world as well. The really hung-up ones who are always in designer suits, always “on the go,” either making animated presentations in boardrooms or flying first class, and to whom a wife is nothing more than a husky voice on an expensive mobile phone. He also sees more children as cabbies on a golf course than he sees his own kids at home.

My question again, exactly when do these men and women get the time or chance to have kids? But then in this fantastical world, children it seems, are actually custom-made in some Chinese factory in the Xinjiang province.

Anyway, one must remember, that these men must also be seen on a golf course even if they do not know how to play the game. All they have to do is just stand on the course, swinging away in spite of the fact that they are probably scoring more mosquito kills with their expensive irons than birdies.  In the real world such men can easily be mistaken for inanimate coffee tables but in this one, they are kings, baby.

As we move on, we come across groups of teenagers who think that acting stupid and silly is akin to being “khool.” We also see grown-up men and women actually drooling, with eyes popping out as if suffering from a sudden attack of epilepsy as they hear about the lakhs and lakhs of rupees that they can win by simply collecting coupons in tea or detergent packs.

We see the same kind of people, now with their eyes directed towards the heavens and the archetypal bright, milky-white Islamic crescent forming over their heads when told that getting a certain mobile phone connection can land them in Mecca for a quick round of Umra – and that too with a wonderful Islamic kind of guy who in all probability is nothing more than an imposter. But hey, who is thinking?

And now, if I do not get out of this freaky world, I am sure to end up landing in some cuckoo institution comparing washing powders with the demented detergent ladies.  Out I go …

This post was published on Dawn’s blog on 20 January 2011. Nadeem F. Paracha is a cultural critic and senior columnist for Dawn Newspaper and Dawn.com.

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Satire: Nadeem Paracha's Latest Media Dictionary

Monday, October 18th, 2010

Nadeem ParachaNadeem Paracha has been compiling a new “devil’s dictionary” to help people understand the often bizarre ramblings of the media. His latest installment, Talking Knees, offers a much needed bit of levity into what can otherwise get to be a disheartening discussion of the media’s farcical failings.

Want to be a successful TV anchor and talk show host in Bakistan? The following is what you need to know …

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Brasstricks

Friday, April 16th, 2010

Fasi Zaka’s satirical wit is truly a national treasure. His latest column for Express Tribune takes a light-hearted poke at that brass trickster Zaid Hamid.

Karachi: A student member of Brasstricks is writing to his friends on the net about the failed Pakistan Resolution on March 23 by Syed Samad Bond in Lahore at Al Hamra.

Dear friends in fashionable revolution,

Our army of mummy daddies made a massive show of strength today at al Hamra with the new Pakistan Resolution that shall Inshallah make Syed Samad Bond founder of Brasstricks-i-Hind quarters. All 37 of us there shall be remembered forever. We proudly announced we are the new-cons against the neo-cons.

Tragically, 99,951 of our members could not make it. The ‘Maria B complex’ was also seen in China promoting Islamic sleeveless at the time, a very important front in our geo-political-regional nexus against Jewish and Indian designs. God willing, our naked ambitions for total dominance will be achieved. Ali Dazmat could also not attend because he was fighting a jihad on Facebook, risking his life in a crucial game of Mafia Wars against the global Zionist media.

It is said he will go on one to one against neo-con Paul Phoenix in a game of Tekken on Xbox as Momin Marshall Law next. Our fearless leader made the correct decision to abandon the event because he greatly feared the ulema who had gathered outside against him. They claim he follows a false prophet, but we know that is not true, he only follows personal profit.

We were prepared for any contingency; most of us were wearing Ray Bans and LUMS t-shirts. The smellies from government universities were kept in the background, they make photos look bad. We all gathered on stage like FBI bodyguards with bandanas because we knew someone may try to assassinate our glorious leader, even though there was no audience and all the seats empty, but you know RAW and Mossad are invisible forces.

Luckily there was electricity at the venue and no loadshedding, so it is now confirmed that Wapda is not a Zionist organization. But the samosawalla is a paleed Jewish agent because he only had the aloo variety and no pyaz ka pakora. Inshallah, our new TV programme will begin, we are about to finalise as soon as auditions for a hot chick to ask questions from Syed Samad Bond are finished.

As you know, Syed Samad has knowledge of everything and will explain how he guided Sir Syed Ahmed Khan in Islam, gave speeches that started the revolt of 1857 and how he single-handedly brought down Israeli planes attacking Pakistan with a nine mm pistol. Thanks to Allah we were not born Yahoo-dis. We became what we are due to a fearless leader. Please do not try to contact him this month, he is in hiding, you know how angry mullahs are. We hate these fassadi mullahs for trying to expose our facades.

Your friend,

Jimmy ‘I do the shimmy’ Akhtar

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TV Awards Night

Thursday, February 18th, 2010

The latest from Nadeem Paracha’s satire is brilliant.

TV AwardsHello people, and welcome to the First Annual Pakistani Private TV Channels Awards. I, Wamid Mir, will be your host for the evening and with me will be the lovely, Dr. Shireen Blackwater Baymaari. Let’s kick off this grand event, but first, a choti se break, and a word from our main sponsors, Aafia Fairness Cream.

Yes, people, every Pakistani daughter, wife, mother and sister should be using this cream, made from natural Jalalabad almonds, ripe Swati lemons, and scintillating Afghan gun powder extracts. Experience a great sense of non-Caucasian fairness with Aafia Fairness Cream … otherwise you’re a traitor!

Over to you Shireen.

Thank you, Wamid. I hate the US!

That’s nice to know, Shireen. Now, can we know who the nominees for our first award are?

No! Not unless you expel the Blackwater agents planted within the audience.

Okay. Can you help us pinpoint them?

There! There’s one!

What? That’s an empty chair!

Well, that’s what Blackwater would want you to believe. Get him out!

Right. We will. Now can you please announce the nominees for our first award?

Okay. The first award is for the Loudest Talk Show Host. And the nominees are: Dr. Deafeningly  Danish and  Meher Blah Brunette Bokhari.

And the winner is: Dr. Deafeningly Danish!  Dr. Deafening, please come up the stage and accept your award.

THANK YOU, SHIREEN!! THANK YOU WAMID! CAN YOU HEAR ME??

Ahem, yes, we can Dr. Deafening. Can you kindly take the award without delivering a speech? I don’t think our mics and speakers have enough watts in them to handle your voice.

OKAY, WAMID SAHIB! AND SORRY, MEHER, I BEAT YOU!!

OH, YOU SHUT UP, YOU URDU-MEDIUM MAN-SIREN!! THIS IS NOT FAIR!! I AM LOUDER AND DUMBER! CAN YOU HEAR ME??

We can hear you both loud and clear. Now will you kindly keep quiet?

OKAY!

Phew. Thank you. Do I hear whistling in the hall, or is it just my ears ringing? Anyway, on to our next award. Shireen, can you take us through it?

No!

Now what?

I can see CIA agents.

Where?

In your ears.

In my ears? But it’s just wax.

Precisely.

Okay, I’ll get rid of it.

Good boy. Okay, our next award is for the most Blessedly Warped TV Personality. And the nominees are: Zion Hamid; Dr. Aamer Aafat; and Dr. Shahid Barood. This is a tough one. But, alas, the winner is the great Zion Hamid. Zion sahib, kindly come and take your award from Wamid Mir saheb.

Zion sahib is in India at the moment, Shireen. He will be with us via satellite. You can see and hear his acceptance speech on this big screen behind me. Yes, Mr. Zion.

Hello, Wamid. Hello people. I am speaking to you live from the Red Fort in New Delhi. And I want to give the nation the good news that my army has taken over India. Rejoice!

That’s India? You are sitting in front of a video backdrop of the Red Fort.

Shut-up, Wamid. What do you know? You’re a CIA agent, anyway. I am in India, and to prove it, I have with me, Muhammad Bin Qasim! Say hello to our brothers and sisters in Pakistan, Qasim bhai.

That’s Ali Azmat!

Shut-up, Wamid. He is Muhammad Bin Qasim. Every Pakistani is Muhammad Bin Qasim!

Even the women?

Especially the women! Have you ever seen Maria B without make-up?

You are making fun of your own supporter?

We are at war. And war is fun.

Err … Zion sahib, the Red Fort backdrop was just replaced by a backdrop of a beach in Honolulu.

It was? Oh … umm … that’s not Honolulu. That’s a beach near Mumbai.

Really? Since when have Mumbai beaches got Hawaiian women dancing on them?

Well … err … its tourism season here in Mumbai.

But we thought you were in Delhi.

I am! I can prove it. I have with me Aishwarya Rai. Say hello to your new rulers, sister Aishwarya.

What? That’s Ahmed Qureshi in a sari!

How dare you! Enough! I can’t accept this stupid USA-India-UK-Papua New Guinea-sponsored award of yours. I have better things to do.

Like what?

Like conquering Israel! My next speech to the nation will be delivered from Tel Aviv.

I see. Well, good luck, Zion sahib. By the way, before you go, just wanted to tell you your backdrop has changed again. And it looks very much like Disney Land.

Alhamdulillah! It seems we’ve conquered the United States as well. Rejoice!

So, Shireen, whom do you want to give this award to now?

Well, I always thought the award should have been shared by all the nominees. They’re all so blessed. Come on up, guys, come to mama, and take your Most Blessedly Warped TV Personality Award!

Nice. Shahid Barood, would you like to say something?

I can’t, Wamid. The evil government is out to destroy me. I’m in hiding.

But you’re right here. We can see you.

No, Wamid, you can’t. I’m not here.

You are very much here, now speak!

Mama Shireen, kindly explain the sensitivity of the issue to Wamid.

Wamid, since Barood is in hiding, we’ll have to call Aamer Aafat to receive this prestigious award.

But he’s right here. I can see him. You can see him. The whole world can see him!

See who?

Shahid Barood!

Where?

Here! Right in front of you!

Stop hallucinating, Wamid. It seems that ear-wax of yours has gotten into your eyes as well. Good luck, Barood, wherever you are, and may the force of brave journalism be with you.

Thank you, mom, I will only come out of hiding after this corrupt government is toppled by gallant journalists like you and me.

Hey, me too!

Okay, you too, Wamid.

Thanks, Shahid.

Sigh. Life is not easy when one’s in hiding.

Where are you hiding?

I am in a bunker designed specially by Peo TV for my brilliant talk show, ‘Meray MutaBak-Bak.’

Well, good luck to you, my brave friend. Let me shake your hand. Oh, my, your palms are so cold. Do meet us whenever you come out of hiding.

I will, I wish you could see the state I am in.

But I can.

No you can’t!

Of course, I can’t.  My bad. Anyway, Dr. Aamer Aafat, kindly collect the award from us.

Jazzakallah! Jazzakallah! I am honored. How much money am I getting with this award?

Err … none.

Mahshallah. And may I know how much money you are getting to host this show?

As much as you are getting to do that show of yours, ‘Zaalim Online.’

Alhamdulillah. Really happy to hear that. You see, brothers …

I’m a sister, dimwit!

Oh, a thousand apologies, sister Shireen. Wah! Kya naam hai. Shireen. The Sweetening. Mashallah.

Shukriah.

No, sister. Say Jazzakallah. We are, after all, Arabs.

But my ancestors were Jats from Punjab.

Wamid bhai, Punjab is in Arabia.

No, it isn’t.

Yes, it is pyare bhai. Can I see the soles of your shoes?

They’re green.

No wonder. Brother, green is the colour of Islam, it is the colour of Pakistan, and now it is also the colour of my hair. Here, see the green streaking in my hair and beard? Lovely, isn’t it? But, brother, it can’t be the colour of the soles of your shoes.

What are you talking about? You have a garden in your house that has green grass and on which you walk. And the carpet you are standing on right now, its colour is green too!

No, brother, you are obviously mistaken. The carpet is black. Isn’t it, Sister Sweetening?

Yes, it is. Blackwater black!

And the grass of your garden. Is that black too?

Arey, Wamid bhai. What are we talking about? Let’s talk about the message of love and peace that our faith gives. Let’s go out and stone a few heathens, lynch a few Jews, flog some women and …

Let’s just move on, shall we. The next award is for the most Ubiquitous Talk Show Guest. And the nominees are: Gymran Khan; Marvi Siren; Sansar Abbasi; and Haroon-i-Islami. This award will be given by the famous TV hosts, Kamran Can’t and Javed Sermon Chudary. The winner is, the super-fit, Gymran Khan!

Wamid, Gymran is not here. He’s busy negotiating with the Taliban.

Thank you, Shireen. He must be up in the mountains of Waziristan then.

No. Zaman Park, Lahore.

What? There are Taliban in Zaman Park?

No, that’s the name of the area where Gym lives.

So Gym has invited the Taliban to his place?

No. He has invited Qazi Hussain Ahmed.

So who is negotiating with the Taliban then?

Gym is, of course.

But he’s in Lahore.

So where else should he be? Mars?

He should be where the Taliban are!

Where are the Taliban?

Waziristan, Swat, Bannu, South Punjab …

Lies! All Blackwater propaganda!

Then with whom is Gym negotiating, if there are no Taliban?

I never said that!

You just did. Kamran Can’t is a witness. Right, Kamran?

Corruption, Zardari, Zardari corruption, Zardari, corruption, corruption, Zardari …

Never mind. Well, folks, I guess that’s about it. Take care of yourself, and I hope you enjoyed this disaster, but we are proud of it because it’s our very own disaster … and a mighty lucrative one as well.

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Babble Media Mujahids

Sunday, January 3rd, 2010

Nadeem Paracha never fails to leave me laughing. Today’s Dawn includes his latest “Smoker’s Corner” about the media Talibans or what he calls “Babble Media Mujahids.” In his usual biting manner, Mr. Paracha’s witty satire really puts the ridiculous of some of the media talking heads into perspective. As infuriating as it is to read or listen to these individuals, if you sit back and look at them through the lens of Mr. Paracha’s satire, you really see them for the silly little people that they are. It is like the story of the Emporer’s Clothes. Everyone takes these chattering heads so seriously, but then Paracha comes around and says, “What are you people doing? These people are not wearing any clothes!” and the ridiculousness of the BMMs is finally easy for everyone to see.

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